Will I come out shining like gold?

First, thank you for your kind words during my pity party. I learned long ago, if you’re feeling the need for a pity pary, make it elaborate. ….serve fine champagne and deep, dark chocolate. Snuggle into the self pity, wrap yourself in it and cry till your heart’s content. Then, most importantly, honor and embrace whatever triggered this massive self indulgence. Make your peace with it and thank it profusely for the lesson you learned.

As I struggle with the many lessons buried in my party, one keeps coming to me, even in my dreams. That is the lesson of unconditional love in my life. In a strange way, the mIles between me and my peeps seems to have strengthened those bonds. You see, they sent me away with their blessings because they, too, felt the undeniable call for me. And even when they want or need me by their side, they always excuse my physical presence reminding me of my little place in life.

So once again, I am experiencing that breath taking awareness of my call to this journey. Stepping out of my comfortable community of faith, where we all pretty much agree on the basics, and walking beside those with very different,  or even no faith, is an exciting challenge. As always, when God gives you a challenge, She gives you the tools to prepare and arm youself. At this very moment, my best tool is my class at American Baptist Seminary of the West …Theology as Living Conversation. It’s clear that each of us in that class come from very different backgrounds. How exciting is that, to have the opportunity to see God through very different lenses. Can you even imagine how valuable this insight will be as I work to sustain  this beautiful community we call Wild Goose.  A community where ALL are welcome and none are judged. Where you are encouraged to explore your spiritual journey and support others in their’s. ….even if you don’t understand, or perhaps disagree. It’s a community of unconditional love. May you know it and may you extend it!

As I continue on this crazy journey, I seek to view every challenge as a refiner’s fire. May we all come through those fires shining like gold. And remember, just because the Holy Spirit called you to a task, that by no means indicates that it will be a smooth, pain free walk. But you will come through each fire with a renewed assurance that this is your time to be in this place….now go shine on!!!

What i didnt expect…

Well, here I am, 4 months into the crazy journey I’m on. I so wish I could find words to describe the mountain top experiences. Watching and hearing about the deep importance of the Goose to so many, meeting amazing people who are also on a crazy journey, being back close to family, being back in my mountains, reconnecting with old friends,  making new ones, starting a class at American Baptist Seminary of the West. ….the list goes on…

However…

I was not in any way prepared for the depth of my sadness at being away from my community in the Triangle. I don’t think I’ll elaborate right now. While I am grateful for the gift of my journey and would make the same choice if I had it to do over, the pain and loneliness of being away from my amazing and loving support group, not being there as you are facing horrific trials….well the pain is physical and almost unbearable  at times. I just tell myself that deep pain indicates deep love and I wouldn’t trade that love for anything.

*As I’m in the middle of writing this and crying my eyes out, my dear Helen called on her way home from church to share all the juicy church stuff I missed in Cary this morning…..now I’m truly laughing out loud!

And this is how that crazy Wild Goose Holy Spirit works on me…

Yes, I admit it, I crashed last week. I felt awful, I lost my voice and the Goose was over….but the Wild Goose (Holy Spirit), is just getting warmed up.

I give you today as an example. Today I met with Cam McQueen. She showed up in Hot Springs as the festival was ending on Sunday, thinking she had a whole day to experience the Goose. She happened to run into staff member Topher, who quickly assessed that she was a Goose in waiting. He got her contact information and did an email introduction to me.

Had she actually arrived on Saturday, would we have met?

We originally planned to meet last week, but I rescheduled because I felt like crap. As it turned out, many things happened in her space, as well as her life and mine, that made today the perfect day to meet.

Would we have recognized the kindred spirits that we are, had we met last week?

Let me tell you what we discovered. First, you need to understand that this is a woman who is renovating a space, with amazing thought behind every change. You see, this space was funded by George Vanderbilt, as a social hall for his African American workers on the Biltmore Estate. It is the oldest African American  Social Hall in the world.

Cam is turning it into a Vegan/Social Justice Neighborhood Bar. When I walked in, my breath stopped and I was covered in Wild Goose Bumps…..she has recycled stain glass church windows behind the bar. In my mind it was the PERFECT place to launch Wild Goose Beer & Hymns, Asheville. Guess what,  she agrees!!

But for Cam misreading the date, would we be set to start this amazing relationship……or would the Wild Goose have made sure we found each other anyway?

All this to remind you, and me….keep your heart and hands open and accepting, you never know when a jewel beyond compare will be placed there.

Coming soon…..the launch of Wild Goose Beer & Hymns, Asheville, at THE BLOCK off biltmore.

 

After a week I’m still searching for words… WGF15

I knew this year would be different.  After all I’m staff now, working to make it be what the Wild Goose Community needs. What I didn’t expect was that the difference would be a richer, fuller experience. I’m sure that’s due in part to having time with so many of the leaders and knowing they were there for absolutely the right reasons. Egos left at the gate, everyone with the same goal. I rest assured that we met many needs for many people. These are words others have used…

4 days of meditation on how to love more

A Goose that went deeper rather than wider

Satisfaction at turning weapons into garden tools

A community of total acceptance

Shared pain and grief over those who have been wronged

Learning to love like Jesus loved

Sorrowful lament set to haunting music

The healing touch of prayer

Joyful dancing

Shared tears

Liturgies that spoke to my heart

Peaceful moments that go beyond words

Hearing and sharing pain that is heartbreaking

Brave people, willing to tell their stories

A shared meal, a touch and smile that will not be forgotten

However, what makes my soul sing is the number of Geese who are searching to continue the conversations and movement throughout the year. I am humbled to be one who will listen and strive to facilitate just that.

So much work to be done, but we can and will do this…..together.

Peace be with you. ….

I’m so glad I’m not in charge of my life!

I had no plans to blog during Wild Goose Festival week…I don’t have time. However two wonderful things happened today that reminded me to practice letting go of control and just BE.

First, a college girlfriend, whom I’ve not seen in more years than I will admit, is in Hot Springs visiting her mom. We wanted to get together, I just wasn’t sure how to fit it in. Well. She chased me down for lunch. It was a WONDERFUL visit. She had a friend’s 20-something daughter with her. When I started talking about WGF, her whole body came alive. They are now coming to the festival and I expect they will find a place they’ve both been searching for.

Later in the afternoon, we didn’t have WiFi in the office yet, but I had 200 emails to send out. So….I drank numerous smoothies because they have WiFi! I was approached by a woman about my age. She asked about Wild Goose. Well you know that was her first mistake. As it turns out we have lots in common and she is searching. Yes…she too has a ticket for the festival this week.

All that is to say…. according to my planing I would have been closed up in an office getting ready for Wild Goose Festival when God really needed me sitting downtown Hot Springs helping others FIND Wild Goose Festival.

Just relax and go with it my friends ♡♡

Ready or not, here comes Wild Goose Festival!

Blessed are the Peacemakers!

So much has happened between Charleston and the SCOTUS rulings, it seems that we need the fellowship of the Goose now more than ever. We need the opportunity to show what the loving walk of Jesus looks and feels like to us. To gather together, with all our broken pieces. To lay them down, without judgement, and start to heal ourselves and all mankind. The healing MUST start within.

There are many beautiful and powerful moments. Some on the schedule,  but many that happen in a chance encounter…..or a solitary walk along the river…..or over a beer at the pub. We will surely walk away from each of those better able to be a true Peacemaker.

I’m signing out from reality. Saturday is my day of prayer and meditation. I will accept nothing from myself that isn’t open and loving. Sunday I move to Hot Springs. For the week it truly is all Wild Goose all the time.

If I cross your mind,  say a little prayer, for my energy and my spirit. Both are vital to my part of the festival.

If you are coming to the Goose, I can’t wait to see you.

If you can’t make the Goose this year, I challenge you to spend some quiet time over the next week. Examine your beliefs about being a Peacemaker in a troubled world.

When your greatest sadness opens the door for your greatest joy

All I ever wanted was to be the perfect wife and mother…..I have never been either. If you don’t know my background, I was never able to carry a baby past the first trimester and I clearly SUCK at being a wife. I have been angry, I have grieved, I’ve dealt with harsh judgement and criticism…but none of that brought me a child or made me the perfect wife.

Now I’m here, in what a friend called the last trimester of my life. No husband, no children or grandchildren, not even a boyfriend,  just a dog who clearly thinks I’m perfect. Sometimes I’m still sad, and yes, I do get lonely.

But….if I had those joys, which are also responsibilities, I would not have been in the position to take this amazing journey I’ve started.

The Wild Goose Festival is 11 days away, I will be heading to Hot Springs next Sunday. This festival literally changed my life….I met my people. Now on the inside looking out, it’s overwhelming to see the impact it has on so many.

**To those who have never really found the thing in their life that defined them….keep looking!

**To those who are harshly judging my path, I pray you can turn it loose and find peace.

**To those who just don’t understand,  it’s okay, and it would be nice if you choose to love me anyway.

**To those who are searching, I’m always available to chat. I don’t have answers but I’m a good listener.

There’s one thing you must be ready for…..when you take a strong stand, many will turn their backs on you. It will likely be friends and family you thought would always accept you. They may even view you as an enemy. IT IS NOT EASY!!! But what I am doing is right and good and I will follow this path wherever it takes me, for as long as it lasts.

I am, by nature, a pleaser, so it is with a heavy heart that I have come to the point where I must say…..I can no longer smooth over and dress up my beliefs in an effort to make you comfortable. I am all in, and it’s up to you to decide whether to support me or reject me. But know this, I will always love you, even if we don’t agree on anything.

Is it better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing?

I grew up in Asheville. I remember the water fountains at Sears downtown being marked WHITES ONLY. I remember going into a laundry in West Asheville with a huge sign that said WHITES ONLY. When I asked mom what that meant, her soft reply was, that’s just the way things are. It seemed better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

Then I was in high school and North Carolina finally integrated. There was only one problem for Buncombe County Schools. There weren’t enough black students to put in all the county schools, so Enka remained all white. Rocks were thrown and hateful insults shouted at our band bus after football games. It seemed better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

Then came college. I was finally in an integrated classroom for the first time. I wanted to ask my classmates how they felt, but it seemed better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

That was all years ago. Since then I have dated men of color, and call many black women and men, true and deep friends. It no longer seems like it’s better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

But I don’t have the words. What would you like to hear from me? What words would give you just a moment of peace? I am here, I have a big mouth and I will walk this path beside you.

It’s well past time to accept that this is just the way things are. It might actually be better to say the wrong thing than to remain silent.

“So, do you feel different?”

That was the text I got early Thursday morning from my sweet niece. Thursday was the first day I woke with Reverend in front of my name. I responded that I would let her know when I “came down”. Well I have certainly crashed physically, but not emotionally.

This has been a path I have danced on since I was 12 years old. Do the math yourself to know how many years that has been. It’s not that I haven’t had some crazy amazing jobs, experiences, friends and life in general. It’s more that there was always a nagging sense of unfullfillment over that road not taken. You have likely experienced that feeling yourself. The fact that I get to take that road right now literally takes my breath away.

I do indeed feel different. I am overwhelmed with support and love and the power of God’s hand in my life. There are simply no words to describe my Ordination Service. …to try to find words would only diminish that Holiness of Wednesday evening.

What was very clear to me…..the amazing words, both sung and spoken over me were completely undeserved by me. I have done nothing beyond saying yes, and taken the necessary next steps. The words were for the workings of that crazy Wild Goose  (Holy Spirit ) in my life and yours. I am not traveling this journey alone…..you are with me!!

I leave you now with my Benediction from Wednesday evening…

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of all peoples,  so that we may work together for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

And the Blessing of God who Creates, Redeems and Sanctifies, be upon you and all you love, this day and forever more. Amen

 

I don’t FEEL courageous. ..

A couple of days ago I received a text message from a friend. He said “Just want you to know how much I admire your courage and faith”. I had a surprisingly strong reaction.

My first thought, and responding text, was “Oddly I don’t feel at all courageous”. I have always been someone who enjoys being alone, so that takes no courage. I have lived alone and vacationed alone many times over the years. It never felt courageous.  Throughout my life, I’ve gravitated to nontraditional jobs, so leaving my wonderful job at MIX didn’t take courage. I have always lived my faith, no courage required there. The hardest of all was leaving my amazing support group, but let’s face it, with technology we have easy access. However the hugs….I do miss the hugs.

So what am I missing that he thinks I should feel courageous about. When all else fails..Google it….

courage

(ˈkʌrɪdʒ)

n

1. the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc

2. the courage of one’s convictions the confidence to act in accordance with one’s beliefs

3. take one’s courage in both hands to nerve oneself to perform an action

4. mind; disposition; spirit

….ahhhh,  could he have meant definition number 2? I understand that definition intellectually, but let me tell you how it plays out for me on the emotional level. From the moment I walked through the gates of Wild Goose Festival I knew my life had changed. As things progressed from that moment to now, I’ve been constantly amazed at the journey. Not once have I considered NOT following my convictions. Please understand, my life is very different from most of yours, and I’ve shed many tears over not having the life you perhaps take for granted. I miss a man’s loving arms, I never got to hold a newborn baby that was a part of me. My journey has been very different. Once I accepted that, I was able to open my heart and truly say, Send Me God!! And She did. While my willingness to follow might look courageous on the outside, on the inside it is simply doing what I can’t NOT do. For all your kind, supportive words, they thrill my soul. For your prayer and financial support, well I couldn’t do this without it. And for those of you who are fearful for me, please understand, if this amazing journey lasts a lifetime or ends tomorrow,  I am doing what I MUST. There is truly a time for every season, and this is my season to walk the radical walk with Jesus.