Is it better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing?

I grew up in Asheville. I remember the water fountains at Sears downtown being marked WHITES ONLY. I remember going into a laundry in West Asheville with a huge sign that said WHITES ONLY. When I asked mom what that meant, her soft reply was, that’s just the way things are. It seemed better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

Then I was in high school and North Carolina finally integrated. There was only one problem for Buncombe County Schools. There weren’t enough black students to put in all the county schools, so Enka remained all white. Rocks were thrown and hateful insults shouted at our band bus after football games. It seemed better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

Then came college. I was finally in an integrated classroom for the first time. I wanted to ask my classmates how they felt, but it seemed better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

That was all years ago. Since then I have dated men of color, and call many black women and men, true and deep friends. It no longer seems like it’s better to remain silent than to say the wrong thing.

But I don’t have the words. What would you like to hear from me? What words would give you just a moment of peace? I am here, I have a big mouth and I will walk this path beside you.

It’s well past time to accept that this is just the way things are. It might actually be better to say the wrong thing than to remain silent.